Real Talk Not Small Talk
Does anyone out there enjoy “small talk?” The perfunctory, socially correct Q&A or discussion of the weather. I actually get irritated with “small talk.” I’d much rather be at a social event and introduce myself to a stranger with, “Hi, I’m Valorie. When was the last time you were truly inspired by something or someone?” Or, “Hi I’m Valorie. What’s the last great book you read?”
If you’re in agreement let’s play conversation. “Hi, I’m Valorie… (pick a question(s) and share your response. Feel free to add a question of your own.)
1. What do you love about your dorkiest self?
2. If you could throw a word and it’s meaning out of the English language, what word would it be and why?
3. Are you more interested in being liked or respected? Do your actions support this statement?
4. If you couldn’t use your phone or internet for the week, what would you accomplish?
5. If you could change careers, what would you do?
6. What’s the worst mistake you’ve ever made? Have you forgiven yourself and truly let it go?
7. What country—other than your current one—would you want to live in and why?
8. If you had one super power, what would it be?
9. What’s the greatest compliment you would give yourself?
10. Do you believe that leaders are made or born?
Good conversations inspire intrigue. Good conversations make you think about your own understanding of the world. Good conversations expose perspectives to you that were previously opaque. At best, small talk acts as a social courtesy. Let’s skip the chit chat and aspire to a more thoughtful and deeper understanding of each other and ourselves.
If I could throw one word out of the dictionary I would choose Realistic. In my opinion there are too many people who are influenced on what is realistic or what is considered reality when creating goals and choices. If a person works hard enough and dreams without limits, they can create their own reality and not settle for what they “realistically” think they deserve.
Matthew – this is good! I’ve never thought of this before. I’ll have to marinate on it some more and get back to you.
“What’s the worst mistake you’ve ever made? Have you forgiven yourself and truly let it go?”
The worst mistake I made was allowing myself to believe that who I am is wrong. You should always be proud of yourself – Black, White, Asian, Gay, Straight.. ect. Allowing my negativity about being different keep me from loving who I am.
#Stayweird
There’s nothing wrong with who you are. God created you in His image. I always picture God creating our hearts and souls first, our talents second, and then “accessorizing” us with different hair & skin colors, nationalities and sexual preferences,
Kyle you are one of the most magnificent, loving, and soulful friend I have. There is a difference in living life and thriving. Thriving encompasses you bringing your most magnificent YOU everyday to the world. Ever since I’ve met you I feel like you do this.
“Do you believe that leaders are made or born?” I thought a lot about this question. I believe that leaders are both made AND born. I feel like some people are born with that god given gift to connect with people, inspire people, and command a room the minute they walk in ( all qualities you possess). On the other hand I think leaders can also be made by things they have gone through – Loss, heartbreak, tragedies, ect.. but also by success, and hard work, and examples. A lot of times in my career I have seen the most… Read more »
Wait. I forgot. MY question.
If you didn’t know how old you were, how old do you think you are? How about you Miss Val. How old (or young) do you feel? How old is your spirit? Your heart? Your mind?
For me, I’m 32. I’ve felt 32 since I was about 23. I can’t even really explain why. 32 has been this very natural and comfortable answer since I was first asked this question. People tell me I have an old soul. I think that is true.
I’m 32 as well, Kaitlin. Yeah, 32 is an interesting age in which, you know you have your whole life ahead of you, yet, you’re aware you’re definitely not a “young” person. *Shrug* I guess, though, that’s just me, but I haven’t felt “grown” until this very age.
Thanks for posting. Your answer got me thinking. I’m Keith- nice meeting you.
We really are kindred spirits Kaitlin. I ask people this question all the time. I feel like I’m 42. And by the way – I plan to live to be 103.
Miss Val – thank you for inspiring such a beautiful conversation of truth. Per this blog, I can no longer say the word ‘hate’, which I can get on board with. So I will say, I loathe small talk. It makes me cringe. But to compliment my dorky self, I’m rather good at it. However, it requires an output of energy that sometimes takes me days to recover from. Now, thanks to you and all of your lovely friends, I have a lengthy and powerful list of questions to never participate in ‘small talk’ ever again, but rather, BIG talk,… Read more »
Ha ha Love your post. I wanted to be a journalist for National Geographic when I was given the head coaching position.
This whole page reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: “Great minds talk about ideas, average minds talk about events, and small minds talk about people” Eleanor Roosevelt. Isn’t it so true?? I love talking about ideas, trying new things, discussing possibilities, and being inspired by other people’s ideas. Talking about people, being gossipy and judgmental is just so boring. Speaking of ideas, Miss Val, I’ve noticed that a lot of the music you pick for floor routines becomes so easily associated with the girls. Have you considered making ringtones out of some of the music? I’d love to… Read more »
I LOVE that quote. It’s on my quote wall in my office. I often share it with my girls when I feel things are getting a bit petty. And yes – the ringtone idea is GREAT! I mean seriously – every time I hear the ubiquitous ring tone I start doing Angi’s choreography. I’ll pass your idea by our sports info dir. Thanks.
I also like her “No one can make you feel inferior without your own concent” quote. I would absolutely pay for & download a few ringtones. Wouldn’t it be a great conversation starter when someone asks what ringtone that is?
If you could change careers what would you do/What’s the worst mistake you’ve ever made?
Making it to my senior year of college as a Finance major and realizing I’m not following my dream. I was given the gift of music, Clarinet to be exact, and good enough to be #1 at my university. Even though I am still able to play and perform, I often wonder what the outcome would be if I would’ve given my passion 100% of my attention these past four years instead of “going through the motions to get a practical degree.”
I honestly don’t ever think it’s too late to follow a dream. I often wonder what my life would have been like had I stayed with my passion which was dancing and the theatre. But then I realize all of the relationships and experiences I wouldn’t have had that I have enjoyed and I’m content to believe that things have turned out “just fine”. I think it’s wonderful that you still play and perform. Hopefully, you’ll enjoy that gift for many many more years to come. I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t matter where I dance, if it’s on… Read more »
Which do we fear most? Dying or living? And why?
I fear dying without ever having really lived!
I absolutely do not fear dying. I know when I die I will go to Heaven. I don’t fear living over all but I do fear living my life in a way that does not honor God.
Ohhhhhhh…. I’ve thought about this a lot since being diagnosed with breast cancer. I don’t fear death but I do fear HOW I’m going to die.
Oh my! So many great questions and responses! Can I answer 2 questions Miss Val? Hehe. If I could throw any word out of the English language it would be cannot (can’t). It is a word that does not inspire. To have faith, confidence and believe means you can! You CAN do what you put your mind to and have faith in! Like you always say, life is about choice. Second I would much rather be respected than liked because having someone’s respect is so much more valuable than them liking you. Respect in any relationship is so important because… Read more »
You are the living breathing example to both of these. I speak of you often when tutoring the younger Bruins! Just yesterday one of our younger Bruins asked “How do student athletes keep up with everything?” I proceeded to tell her “it’s not easy but it is doable”, and used you as an example Britt. Thank you!
I believe that leaders are certainly not born; they are made. That is, the choices one makes in life lead to the very creation of one’s character. Choosing to lead by example, in my opinion, is more valuable then leading by “telling” or “commanding” others. This also goes hand-in-hand with being respected rather than being liked. A true leader does not worry about being liked. Nor do they seek attention. Rather, they focus of being true to themselves, their morals and beliefs. Naturally, people will gravitate towards them. I seek to be a leader. One that works hard at what… Read more »
Well said Giuliana. You have strong leadership characteristics. Especially when you put your head down and work hard… it is very inspiring because we know you’d rather be performing Beam skills rather than getting stronger through conditioning. So you do what you NEED versus what you WANT. So glad you’re a Bruin!